I graduated yesterday.


It was almost surreal. I'm kind of angry at myself. Lately I've been living life as if I'm just watching it on T.V. . I don't feel as if I'm actually experiencing something. It's almost as if someone's stolen my emotions and I'm just existing in a body. Interestingly enough I did laugh, smile, and even cry a little bit, so my graduation was special. I think seeing my diploma in print for the first time though, was by far the neatest thing in the world.


Anyways, I must go for now, short entry, I'm sorry. Pictures coming soon!


Love you all


--Shan   

Well now...isn't this swell?

I'm graduating on the 23rd....which is coming up much faster than I thought it would. Tomorrow I don't have school. The next day I don't have school. The next day...wait...let me check...I don't have school. It's much more exciting than I thought it would be, and this awakening has me-mind thinking and brainstorming things I could be doing with my free time! I should take up kickboxing! Joy!

I have just returned from a 3 day camp. The same camp I volunteered for last year. It's an all-autistic children's family camp where teenagers and adults come to watch the differently-abled children while the parents are counselled, trained, and taught what to do in various situations. This camp is pretty much essential to help these parents understand what's going on with thier kids. I had the privelege of having the same child I had taken care of last year...DAYNA. Dayna is a wonderful, beautiful little girl (whom is roughly 10 years old), who lives with her mom [and Dad(?)]. Her mother is a saint as well.

However, once I got to the mile-high camp (it was near Big Bear, which is up in the mountains), I came down with altitude sickness (methinks) and I couldn't hold anything down. I spent the whole night getting up at least 20 times (waking up every girl in my cabin, which was no big deal...they took care of me like really good sisters would), and throwing up on some random tree in the forest each time. I wanted to die.

The next morning I couldn't get up. I was so sick. SO sick. I barely managed to get up and take a shower (needless to say, I threw up RIGHT after the shower).

By 10:30am (after some motrin and sprite and 2 more hours of hardcore sleep) I felt fine! I got up, got out, and went on about my day. It was utopia. Ahh..

I had a great time after that. I got a nice hot sunburn on my back (from swimming and laying out with Caitlyn), and I'm refreshed from my delightful retreat.

Everyone needs to get out sometime...


Other than that, the next thing on my schedule is a nail appointment, one day of work, and graduation!

Joy.

tah-tah for now.

PS: To My little Morio: you really need to get a livejournal. You know who you are

Hello lovelies.

   It's funny how quickly things collect towards the end of your last year of highschool. It's actually almost frightening how quickly things are ending. It's going to be quite an adventure. Let me tell you what's going to be on my schedule this few weeks coming up.

   I get my graduation tickets and cap and gown tomorrow. I'm kind of excited. It's going to be so much fun graduating. God...it's been such a long haul through school. I know that once it's all over with, I'll be ready for the next adventure. Either way, I'm excited for what comes next. I'm excited to find out what it's like to be a young adult. I'm not a partyer by any means, but this summer I think I'm going to have the time of my life. I feel so liberated. Let's keep it that way.

   How long has it been since I've gone on a date? I've decided I need to go on one. Here...I need an opinion from some of you fellas out there....

Who asks who out on a date?

Guys: are you generally nervous when you approach a girl?

If so: would it make it any easier if the girl were to approach you first?

Who knows.


I met a 20 year old named Elvis the other day and it was obvious he was hitting on me. He was laying it on thick. I got up to chit chat with some of my girlfriends, then went to the restroom. He followed.

"Where ya goin'?"--Him
"Restroom."--Me
"Oh,...ok...do you smoke?"--Him
"No, and neither should you (over the shoulder talking)"--me

"I know (smile) "--Him


My brother Jeremy went on the patch last week.

Go bro.


Lots of love...


Shannon

Hey I know it’s been a while.

 

*Dodges rotten vegetables*

 

Again, I know there’s no excuse.

 

Let me wrap up my few days of absence.

 

I went to Disneyland, and it was to say the least, the most fun I’ve had in a long, long time. I met up with about 12 of my friends and we all had the time of our lives. After being pat down by security, we ventured with hundreds of different schools that gathered (along with about 4 local hip hop radio stations) for GRAD NIGHT (our school came for senior excursion). So much information, so little time to get it all down. I’m overwhelmed with information!!!

 

Pat downs took place…It was interesting to say the least. All the way (the long walk) till pat downs, I cheered, “WOO HOO! PAT DOWN!” (You must keep in mind, it was about 11:00pm and I was running off of pure adrenaline. Plus, there’s something about being at Disneyland that just puts anyone in a goofy mood **NO PUN INTENDED**)

 

After pat downs, we headed off to the Matterhorn. However, we were sidetracked. We took a swing by Alice in Wonderland, Pirates (twice), Tea Cups (oh how awesome was that), and ended up going on a TON of rides which half of them I can’t even remember. We attempted to go on Mr. Toad’s ride, but it shut down right as we were about to get on…the odds! Alex licked Mr. Toad, and proceeded to tell us, “I’M GOING TO LICK THE TOAD!!!” My friends are amazing.

 

All in all, I had a fantastic time. We were the fastest cup in the teacup ride, and by far the dizziest bunch coming out of the ride. Pirates was my favorite. Indiana Jones was incredible. I had so much fun.

 

I was dropped off at the school at 9:30 pm. We returned at 7:30am.

 

It was worth the 40 dollars. I’m definitely going to grad night…wherever that is going to be. I’m excited.

 

Lots of love to all…hope your weeks went well

 

 

Shannon.

Looking back on my years in school is like sorting through storage. I’ve stored many things in my little 6x10 square foot space. I’ve got things that should never have fit. Relationships that have fallen down and broken…I’ve tried to sort out and make sense of it all, but it really went by so fast. Senior year was the fastest year by far. There were times where I remember wishing the time would go by quick…and times that I wish would have lasted forever. Here are some memorable moments in my entire schooling experience that I’d like to share with you…

 

 

1^st grade: I was in love. First love’s name was Brian Waltenburg. That’s his actual name. He kissed me in a concrete tunnel that (due to the rain that had collected on the bottom) we had to prop our feet on both sides. He asked me to marry him. I moved shortly after.

 

4^th grade: I met Brandon. He was my best friend. While I was being made fun of for being ‘Shanyon the Grand Canyon” (I was a little chunky in grade school…so what!!), he (the skinny little guy he was) stood up for me. We grew up to be the best of friends, and still are the best of friends.

 

6^th grade: I got a citizenship award and got to be on TV. I remember being asked to start the pledge of allegiance, and remember putting the wrong hand up when asked to put my hand over my heart…I also didn’t know where the flag was, and spent thirty seconds searching for it. Charming…I was on camera.

 

 

7^th grade: Alex. My now ex (to the seventh power) boyfriend. He was my first real boyfriend (actually, it was more like innocent friends…with the title attached). He made me feel so pretty…always told me I was pretty. I miss him, but alas, I moved.

 

 

 8^th grade: David Burnett. The guy of my absolute dreams. He wasn’t popular. Nor was he dashingly handsome. He was, however, a genius, and he made me laugh more than anyone else. I was in love…but it was strictly one-sided. He shared none of the same feelings for me. He did however, give me his friendship, and was fully aware of my feelings for him. At the last dance of the year, he asked me to dance the last dance (of the last dance). He apologized for being such a ‘shit.’ I instantly forgave him. It was magical.

Haven’t talked to him since (he moved and I moved).

 

9^th grade: Took a cooking class. Thought it was my destiny. Found out really quick that it wasn’t for me…

 

9^th grade: Became president for the school’s Christian club on campus. Thought it was my destiny. Found out really quick that it wasn’t for me.

 

10^th grade: Took a jewelry making class (full on casting silver, torches, the works). Thought it was my destiny. Found out really quick that it wasn’t for me.

 

11^th grade: Busted my ass and raised my GPA. I worked harder than ever that year. Went out with John…my (now) ex. I thought I’d marry that boy. I moved.

 

12^th grade: Moved to California to live with my UNabusive father. Felt free for the first time in my life. Felt normal for the first time in my life. Was liberating, and I regret nothing. Volunteered in a camp for all-autistic children. Found it MOVED me.

 

Found I wanted to get into psychology.

 

 

I found myself through high school. I am proud of my accomplishments. It’s something that I’ve worked very hard for. I’m very excited and scared at the same time. I’m so ready for what life has planned for me, and I know that if I can get through what I’ve gone through, I can get through anything. I’ve fit a lot into my storage space…and I think it’s time to clear out. I need some more experiences and some new people to fill my space. I need a new beginning.

 

So today starts the beginning.

 

Best wishes.

 

 

Shannon

 

He carried a pocket-size calendar from 1995 in his breast pocket. He had a scent to him...a scent that screamed, I haven't showered in at least four days. His messy brown hair was greasy in appearance, and drool trickled down his bottom lip and cascaded in a small stream down to his breast pocket. He was mentally handicapped, and you could tell just by looking at him (though you really don't want to make eye contact with strangers on the city bus).

This time I made eye contact, and I saw something that peeled off another onion-like layer of my own pride. I stared into his hazel-brown eyes. He grabbed me and shook me...without even touching me. Bound to his wheelchair, he stared into some oblivion locked inside of him...He stared out the window into an endless stream of cars stuck in traffic on Pacific Coast Highway. The wind bothered him, you could tell...He groaned as the wind blew his greasy hair into his eyes. I didn't feel pity...nor did I feel guilt...I was moved by his silent struggle.

I wondered to myself if he knew that he was 'different.' I wondered if he knew that people looked at him as 'handicapped.'

So I'm done with the first week of June. My friend reminded me that there is only exactly TWO weeks left in highschool. Two weeks. It's a landslide down. I'm pretty much coming to the end of the race, coaching myself saying "Okay Shannon...there's only a little ways left....it'd be a waste of your time if you just gave up now. You've worked so hard!"

YES!!!


THE REPORT IS DONE. ENGLISH IS FINITO. I'M DONE.

*slaps self*

Actually, yes...my english report is done. I have a presentation on the 8th, then, it's a downhill slide until the 17th, which is my last day of school, and the 23rd which is graduation. I can't tell you how proud I am of myself. I'm growing up. I'm graduating. I'm doing what took my brother 13 years to complete...I'm graduating from all required education. Public schools. Graduating from insensitive, immature teenagers. I'm graduating from the pressure to be someone you aren't. I'm graduating from 5 to (in some schools that I've gone to) 8 classes a day. I'm graduating from school dances, highschool boyfriends and crushes, and permanent records.

I'm graduating from being a minor as well. On June 26th; 3 days after I graduate, I am a legal adult. Scary thought? No. I'm just interested in my options. I'm interested in what life brings me. I'm interested in dating many guys. I'm interested in being a successful person. I'm interested in my future schooling. I'm interested in people and what they have to say, that they couldn't have said in highschool in fear of being rejected. I'm interested in closet geniuses. I'm interested in beautiful people who haven't blossomed until now. I'm interested in theories and philosophies that are unknown to me know. I'm interested in what this new adventure brings to the table.

I'm interested in my work. I'm interested in making new friends. I'm interested in becoming a new person but still holding true to my values.


Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me it's been a long day...


---Matchbox 20, Long day


My lovelies, that's all for my rambling...


Shannon

I had an interesting discussion with my father today...about sex. Yes, the all-too-often dreaded discussions we have with our parents about that three letter word that can make or break someone.


It was relaxed though. I told him I had been thinking about doing it **as opposed to waiting until marriage**(he told my brother, which made me really upset...later, we made amends), and he was a little dissapointed...however, I think he was moreover scared than anything. He went to the store and bought me condoms. Told me to be responsible. I hugged him and said thank you.

Sounds like life is kosher again. I was dissapointed that he told my brother...it was a very private thing that he didn't need to go blabbing...however, now that life is back to normal, I can only hope he doesn't go blabbing to everyone. It's again, something very private, and personal. Who needs to know?

Anyways, yes.

David called. I hope he calls again because I miss him.

I hope Robby calls as well.

In fact, I really hope anyone calls. I'm bored and quite frankly it's getting tiring just being here cooped in the house and doing nothing on memorial day weekend.

Love you all...

Shannon